Couples Counseling Reston, VA
As a therapist from Lindsey Hoskins & Associates knows, it is often not an easy choice for couples to decide to go to couples counseling in Reston, VA. Constant arguments can put your relationship at stake. When couples never seem to be on the same page, it can seem like you will never see eye to eye. Going to couples counseling can make you and your partner better communicate with each other.
About Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy administered by a professional who is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists. Experienced therapists can offer guidance, support, and insight for couples experiencing issues in their relationships. While often couples therapy is perceived as treatment for those who are experiencing severe problems, it’s important to note that even happy couples seek counseling from a professional. Couples therapy can be utilized as a form of relationship maintenance. Additionally, couples therapy can provide therapeutic intervention when experiencing deeply impactful problems.
Counseling involves getting to the root of issues a couple may be having and for each partner to admit their imperfections. It will force you to face truths that you are not comfortable with. You and your partner will need to address issues to find solutions you can work towards. The couple may feel as if they have failed in their relationship, but choosing to participate in couples counseling is a healthy decision that can make your relationship even stronger than it was before.
Maintaining Your Relationship
A healthy relationship is maintained when both partners respect each other, despite not seeing each other’s perspective. They are willing to understand each other and keep their focus on their shared core values. Couples who have and maintain a healthy relationship know how to set boundaries, treat each other with respect, listen to each other, admit when they are at fault, and work on solutions to grow in their relationship.
Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but if they are not appropriately addressed and resolved, they can affect the health of a relationship over time. Small arguments that are not appropriately resolved can lead to one partner growing resentful towards the other, escalating into more prominent arguments. One person might hold on to certain statements and hold a grudge against their partner for what they said. When couples don’t settle their conflicts effectively, it can introduce cracks in their relationship.
A healthy relationship is maintained when both partners respect each other, despite not seeing each other’s perspective. They are willing to understand each other and keep their focus on their shared core values. Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but if they are not appropriately addressed and resolved, they can affect the health of a relationship over time. One person might hold on to certain statements and hold a grudge against their partner for what they said. When couples don’t settle their conflicts effectively, it can introduce cracks in their relationship.
While every relationship has its ups and downs, there are some vital signs that the couple may need a couple’s counselor to help them work through problems. These signs may indicate a deeper issue that needs to be discussed in depth. These include the following:
There have been frequent arguments.
If a couple finds that their days are filled more and more with conflict, that could be a sign that something is wrong. Even “small” disagreements – if they occur frequently–often indicate more profound problems. Couples should find a way to look past small arguments and focus on the essential matters of their relationship. Topics that have minimal importance should not trigger constant arguments. Frequently arguing about trivial issues is often a passive-aggressive indicator of more significant unspoken problems at play.
There are habits of poor communication.
If one or both partners feel unheard or misunderstood, resentments can fester. One partner may give up trying to talk to their partner about specific subjects or reluctantly adjust their behavior. This can also cause that partner to begin pulling away and emotionally shutting down. They may believe that they can’t depend on their partner to confide in them.
As a result, the emotional bond between a couple can weaken. Miscommunication is often one of the biggest reasons that many couples are constantly arguing. Rather than reflect on how they speak to their partners, they focus on what their partner is doing. Couples counseling can teach the couple communication skills that ensure that both partners feel their voice and feelings are being heard and validated.
There have been incidents of broken trust.
This is one of the most common reasons a couple comes to couples counseling. There are many ways trust can be broken in a relationship, such as one of the partners cheating on the other or maybe they lied to their partner about finances. Restoring trust will take time; people can’t accomplish it over a short period. The more severe the reason that the trust was broken, the more difficult it will be for one partner to gain the other’s trust back. No matter the issue, if trust has been broken, counseling can provide the couple a way to rebuild the trust again.
Something is off in the relationship.
Many couples seeking counseling are often unsure what the issues are in their relationship; they know that something doesn’t feel right. You may feel as if there has been a shift in the dynamic between you and your partner. Maybe you don’t feel as comfortable sharing things with them like you used to. Or perhaps there is resentment growing between the two of you, and you don’t understand why. This is a common issue among couples, whether they recently got into a relationship or have been together for years. Maybe one partner’s expectation of the other has shifted. People can change, and their views, values, and interests may change throughout their relationship.
Getting to the root of what is developing before it becomes difficult can help avoid heartache and anger between the two of you. A counselor can help a couple identify those issues and give them the tools to work through them.
When the Loss of a Loved One Becomes Too Much
It has long been understood that when a couple faces the loss of a child, the chances of remaining together long-term go down. There are numerous reasons for this reality, including the simple fact that people grieve in different ways. While grief can bring partners together, it can also – very unintentionally and very understandably – drive them apart. If the loss of a child, parent, or other loved one is causing instability in your relationship, attending couples counseling may help you heal both as a couple and as individuals.
When Issues with a Couple’s Children Take Over the Relationship
As Jim Henson once observed, “The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them. They don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.” For this reason, it can be helpful for the entire family when parents enter couples counseling – especially if any of the tension in one’s marriage is caused by issues concerning the children. However much parents strive to teach their children well, kids learn by example. When parents confront their problems to grow into healthier individuals, their children benefit, and their relationships with them tend to benefit.
5 Questions to Ask Each Other in Couples Counseling
1. What do we love most about each other?
It can be easy to hyperfixate on the problems at hand. De-escalate tenion and refocus on what’s important – love – with this most-important question.
2. Should we attempt to solve the problem(s)?
Sometimes, a relationship has successfully run its course and one or more partner needs or wants to separate from another person, also called “moving on,” “breaking up,” divorcing, and other terms. If this is the case, seeking couples counseling in Reston, VA is not necessarily practical, or it may be needed to facilitate the separation process only.
3. Why do we want to solve the problem(s)?
When considering couples counseling in Reston, VA, consider why each of you want to solve the problems at hand. If one person is unable to answer this question, it may be a sign that the person is only “along for the ride,” or does not really care if the problems are solved. You each deserve to be fully wanted by another, so if someone is passive in the relationship, it may be time to separate instead of solve.
4. What can I do to make our disagreements less painful?
It’s sometimes easy to tell the other person what they need to do to make arguments less painful, but doing so can make the other person defensive or feel rejected. Instead of pointing fingers, take turns explaining what each of you thinks you can do to make disagreements easier, kinder, and more productive. Think about your habits when you are mad or scared. Do you do intentionally hurtful things like call the other person names, or unproductive things like ignore the other person when they speak to you? Lindsey Hoskins & Associates can help you identify patterns of behavior that lead to painful arguments and help you both change your approaches.
5. What do we expect from our counseling sessions?
Make sure you each know each others’ expectations when going into couples counseling in Reston, VA. If one of you wants to focus on one person’s issues or behaviors more than the other, make sure those expectations are clear before you go in or the other person will feel blindsided. Make sure you both know what you want to achieve from your sessions so you both know how to determine if you are moving forward successfully. Lindsey Hoskins & Associates can provide tailored sessions to meet individual client needs.
Do’s and Don’ts: Ways You Can Get Through Couples Counseling
You’ve had enough of the petty arguments; you’re tired of finding their clothes all over the floor after you’ve come home from work; you’re sick of constantly repeating yourself and you’re sick of feeling like you’re not being heard. The one thing that you both seem to agree on is that it’s time for you two to start couples counseling in Reston, VA. Though it may sound like a lot at first, couples counseling can be very beneficial for relationships, and there are several ways that you can get through it.
The most important thing that you can do when you’re meeting with a counselor from Lindsey Hoskins & Associates is to listen to both your partner and your counselor. Though it’s tempting to constantly be the one talkng, you need to remember that your partner is also involved in this, and it is important that they get to speak and be heard as well.
Don’t Get Defensive
A very easy thing to do when being confronted by your partner or when hearing them talk about you during your couples counseling in Reston, VA, is to get defensive. Instead, you should try to approach their feelings and thoughts with an open mind, and try to understand where they are coming from.
Do Be Willing to Admit Faults
There are two sides to every argument, and, usually, one is mostly right and the other is mosely in the wrong. If your partner and counselor bring an actual fault of yours to your attention, you need to be willing to admit that you were wrong in that situation. Having a teachable spirit and admitting flaws are great steps towards a healthy relationship.
Don’t Ignore Their Feelings
Even though your feelings in your relationship are completely valid, your partner’s feelings are as well. As you both go to couples counseling in Reston, VA, you should make sure that you do not invalidate your parnter’s feelings by talking over them or bringing them down whenever you get to speak. Instead, you should listen and try to see things from their perspective.
Relationships can be a lot of work, and, sometimes, couples need someone from outside the relationship to help them nevigate through their issues. If you and your partner are finding yourselves in need of someone to talk to and attempt to assist you in restoring your relationship, seeing someone from Lindsey Hoskins & Associates may be a great option.
When a Diagnosis Shakes a Relationship’s Foundation
Whether you, your romantic partner, your child, or another close loved one has been recently diagnosed with a severe medical condition, chances are very high that this diagnosis has affected the relationship between you and your partner. Whether the diagnosis involves addiction, a chronic condition, or acute trauma, couples counseling can help you navigate the challenges that such a diagnosis presents.
When Individual Growth Affects a Relationship’s Evolution
Individuals don’t always grow and change at the same rate. As a result, one romantic partner’s growth as an individual – especially when significant or relatively sudden – can change the dynamic of a relationship if the other partner isn’t growing at the same rate and in the same direction. Couples counseling can help to ensure that a changing dynamic is addressed in the healthiest and most productive ways possible under the circumstances.
When Money Becomes an Issue
Both financial instability and sudden financial windfalls can create stress in a romantic relationship. It has long been acknowledged that financial issues are among the most common reasons why couples fight. Whether job loss, a career change, an inheritance, a financial crisis, or another money matter is causing tension in your relationship, talking these issues out with an experienced couples counseling specialist can help you resolve that tension to the best of your ability.
Let Our Dedicated Professionals Help
A couples therapist specializes in helping couples who are struggling in their relationships. They listen and talk to couples about their issues and suggest ways to improve their communication and conflict resolution skills. The goal of a couples therapist is to help each partner in a relationship develop meaningful insights that help foster mutual respect and empathy. If you and your partner are considering couples counseling, contact Lindsey Hoskins & Associates to schedule an appointment with one of our skilled couples counselors.
When is the correct time to seek couples counseling?
Couples should seek treatment long before they believe they need to. Couples should attend a therapy session before their arguments get so severe to the point that both partners give up on trying to repair their relationship. Many professionals think that treatment can be a fundamental part of your relationship. Most concerns within a couple begin little and then grow in size when they don’t get fixed. Couples end up holding on to minor problems, which can lead to resentment. This is where treatment can assist by offering tools and methods to improve conflict resolution.
An objective third party like a couples therapist can introduce perspectives that both partners have not considered before. They can help partners engage with each other in a more productive manner that promotes growth and understanding. The bulk of couples state that they need to have started treatment years previously. Contact Lindsey Hoskins & Associates to learn more.
What takes place throughout couples counseling?
Although every therapist is different, there are some commonalities. The first session typically includes the therapist getting to know you, discussing the areas of the relationship they want to enhance, and setting goals. However, some therapists will appoint homework for the couples to work on before the next session. Ideally, the majority of the work gets done, in my experience, beyond my workplace. Contact Lindsey Hoskins & Associates to learn more.
What issues can take advantage of therapy?
Couples come to treatment for many reasons, but in my experience, in addition to infidelity, the most significant problems include sex, communication, cash, and considerable life modifications such as marrying or starting a household. Couples therapy is likewise an excellent concept if one of you is managing a concern that might be impacting your relationship (such as depression) or just if you’re feeling stuck and stagnant in your relationship.
What counts as ‘cheating’ in the digital age?
Treatment can provide a safe area to speak about sensitive subjects such as sex. Just like folks can get caught in a negative relational cycle, couples can typically also get stuck in a negative sexual cycle. I inform couples that they’ll have more of it when the sex they’re having is worth having.
Communication is likewise a big concern for couples. Merely talking with each other more isn’t the answer. There is communication, and after that, there’s reliable interaction. Both parties need to feel heard, soothed, respected, and cared for initially. We examine old interaction patterns and, after that, change them with practical and more effective ones. These are all exercised collaboratively with the couple and within the context of their daily life.
Relationships take constant work, and couples may not always be on the same page. Couples should seek treatment long before they believe they need to. Most issues within a couple begin small and then grow in size when they don’t get dealt with. The bulk of couples that I work with say that they must have begun treatment years previously. Reach out to Lindsey Hoskins & Associates for couples counseling today.
Why Americans are Having Less Sex
There are three sides to every story: his side, her side, and the facts. An objective third party can be just the ticket when couples feel they can no longer interact efficiently. Rather than seeing treatment as the solution to a crisis, look at it as an essential aspect of a healthy life. Every couple must take preventive measures to keep healthy in their relationship, just like going to the fitness center. If couples do not work their relational and emotional ‘muscles,’ they become un-toned, weak, and create more of an opportunity for damage to their relationship.
Therapy Can Benefit Couples and Families
Couples counseling can provide many benefits for couples. Marital discord can be present for many reasons; however, couples therapy can provide people with various benefits. While there are many reasons for therapy, fully committing to treatment can deliver results that allow people to repair their relationships and sort out how they will move forward more harmoniously. Whether you or your partner are experiencing minor challenges or serious discord, Lindsey Hoskins & Associates offers clinicians experienced in assisting couples when they most need help.
Gaining an Understanding of the Benefits Therapy Can Provide
Couples counseling provides various benefits for people who require support from a professional. Counseling offers a safe, productive, and therapeutic space for couples experiencing many issues. Benefits of therapy include:
-Learning Better Ways of Communicating
-A Neutral Environment to Discuss Challenging Issues
-Repairing Fractures from Infidelity
-Seeing the Problem from Another Angle
-Gaining an Understanding of Where the Other Person is Coming From
-Deepening Your Connection with Eachother
Relationships are challenging, and statistics show that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. When experiencing marital discord, it can feel as though the deck is stacked against you. Millions of people attend therapy each year as a way to maintain a healthy relationship, improve lines of communication, and resolve conflict. If you and your partner are experiencing challenges, seeking therapy is a beneficial way of repairing fractures and enhancing connections.
Fully Commit for Positive Results
While you may believe that therapy will be the immediate solution to your problems, it’s essential to know that more is involved to ensure positive results. Attending regular sessions is just the first step towards committing to couples therapy. Once you have determined that you will engage in therapy, the next step will be fully engaging in sessions. However, remember that therapy isn’t just something you can attend regularly and expect things to change immediately.
Actual change will happen over time. In addition, your therapist will also develop a treatment plan, and part of that treatment plan will involve homework that you and your partner will need to work on at home. The work doesn’t stop after you leave your therapist’s office, and working on what you are learning outside of therapy will be critical for moving forward in rebuilding your relationship and finding your way back to one another.
3 Keys To Successful Couples Therapy
Realizing you need couples therapy and taking the time to find a reputable practice is a courageous choice you have made for your relationship. Taking the time to find help with couples counseling is certainly the first step in strengthening your bond with your partner, but you still have work ahead of you. If you want to make the most of your counseling and improve your relationship there are certain points you need to know to make your counseling a success.
#1 Choose To Be Vulnerable
Before you start your counseling sessions with Lindsey Hoskins & Associates it is very important that you decide to be open, honest, and vulnerable throughout your counseling process. Your vulnerability can be vital to the positive outcome of your sessions. You will have to look inside yourself and be honest with those around you.
For some people, vulnerability can seem weak or even be scary, but it is the key to mending and healing most relationships. A first step in being forthcoming with your significant other is to tell them how much you want your relationship to succeed. Just laying all your cards out on the table about what you want will give your partner the courage to be vulnerable as well.
#2 Be Willing To Grow
Once you start your couples counseling, you really have to be willing to make personal changes. If you aren’t intentional about growing as an individual then your counseling work might be in vain. Couples can often be focused on what the other person needs to change in order to have a better relationship. In reality, both of you will need to be concentrated on how you can grow and change in order for your bond to become healthier.
#3 Have Realistic Expectations
While Lindsey Hoskins & Associates will help you heal your relationship, it is up to you as the client to make that come to fruition. It is not the therapist’s job to solve all your problems, but to help you see how together as a couple you can solve the issues you are experiencing. Adjusting those expectations will help you make the most of your therapy work.
It’s also essential to keep in mind that relationships are hard work. While fairy tales and romance movies want you to believe that everything in your romantic relationship should come easy, that is far from reality. You need to start couples counseling with the mindset that you will have to put in the effort and the time if you want to stay with your significant other. Know that everything will not be happy and healthy overnight. It is more of a marathon than a sprint, so focus on endurance for your relationship.
The American Psychological Association reports that about 75% of couples counseling is effective, which is such an encouraging statistic. Lindsey Hoskins & Associates will work tirelessly to help you improve your relationship, but your success as a couple will depend on how much you both are willing to employ what you learn during counseling.
Convincing Your Partner About Therapy
Those who are seeking couples counseling can find the peace of mind they are looking for at Lindsey Hoskins & Associates. Our team is dedicated, professional, and compassionate in your journey together. We understand that in some instances, one partner wants to attend therapy while the other remains skeptical. Here we have provided some advice for those who are hoping to convince their partner to attend therapy with them:
Start attending therapy individually.
Even if our partner is acting in a way that is unfair to us, it can help the dynamic to attend therapy on your own first. In this way, your therapist can get to know you on an individual basis, and then extend help to your partner too. Of course, you can always begin therapy together as a couple, but if your partner hasn’t warmed up the idea yet you may want to consider going by yourself.
Let your partner know how much you care.
When one partner brings up the topic of therapy, the other may respond by thinking it’s because they aren’t as loved or cherished any longer. Many people interpret attending therapy as something is wrong with them, but reassure your partner that the goal is to be better together. Affirm your connection and feelings to your partner.
Let them make the choice for themselves.
If your partner is hesitant about attending couples counseling with you, they may agree to go just as a way to appease you. They may or may not have interest in bettering themselves and examining the relationship for solutions. No matter how badly you may want to go to therapy together, communicate with your partner that they do not have to out of obligation. It’ll be better for counseling later on if you give them time to make their own decision. In the meantime, you can attend therapy individually for our own sake. And you never know, if your partner sees how counseling is benefiting you, they could become more into the idea after all.
Couples therapy isn’t only for fractured relationships; it can also be an effective way for happy couples to maintain a solid connection. We maintain that therapy is imperative, but choosing the right therapist for your needs will ensure that your therapeutic needs are met. Our team of clinicians are skilled in couples therapy and have the experience necessary to assist with the deep-rooted issues that may be impacting your relationship.
Our team at Lindsey Hoskins & Associates is a resource you can depend on, so to learn more about how couples counseling in Reston, Virginia, can help you, consider scheduling an intake with our team today.
Couples Counseling Reston, VA
Even the best of relationships can hit a rough patch every once in a while. It’s how the couple handles these issues that can determine whether they are able to get past them and back on track. Unfortunately, often what happens is that over time, the couple has developed certain patterns that repeat over and over again, making it difficult to work through disagreements and contributing to the buildup of resentments and stress. If you live in Virginia and this is where you and your spouse find yourselves, it may be time to consider couples counseling in Reston, VA. The following are some common questions that the clients who come see us have regarding counseling and how it can help.
How common are power struggles between a couple who is having marital issues?
Couples who are having marital problems often use different aspects of their life to gain the upper hand. There can be power struggles over issues with the children, money, how free time is spent, friendships, and relatives. One of the most common areas of power struggles is the couple’s sex life and one spouse may feel the other is using sex as a weapon. Being able to address power struggles with a neutral third party (your therapist) can help end this type of behavior. Often, spouses do not even realize they are doing it.
What if one spouse is having a difficult time releasing negative emotions that come from the problems the couple is having?
Failure to let go of anger, fear, or other emotions can and often do prevent feelings of love and tenderness to thrive in the relationship. Although it is important to feel and process all emotions, the key to a healthy relationship is to be able to let go of the bad feelings once you have processed and shared your feelings with your spouse. Many couples are finally able to share and release those negative emotions with each other during couples counseling in Reston, VA.
How important is listening to your spouse?
Failure to pay attention to what the other spouse is saying can be the death knell of any relationship. Spouses need to really listen to what each other are saying and not be so quick to try to “solve the problem” for them. People appreciate being heard.
The same is true about being able to open up emotionally with each other. This is critical to achieve and keep intimacy between the two and is what distinguishes our relationship with our partner compared to our relationships with friends, co-workers, etc.
Couples counseling can teach couples how to achieve this again or, in some cases, for the very first time.
Is there a difference between what a spouse “thinks” compared to what they “feel” about an issue?
Sometimes a spouse is unable to clearly articulate what they are feeling. Instead, they focus on what they are thinking. But in order to reach that level of intimacy so important in a marriage, we need to be able to share and understand what our partner is feeling, not just what they think. A therapist can help a couple work through this process and provide the tools for critical “emotional” communication.
Call Our Office for Help
If you are having issues in your marriage, it may be time to consider working with a therapist. Call Lindsey Hoskins & Associates to schedule an appointment for couples counseling in Reston, VA, and discover how you and your spouse can rebuild your relationship.